For a major chunk of the season, I felt like an imposter.
I started playing basketball when I was in grade 3 and it has been my favourite sport and activity to do ever since.
However, I’ve never been that good (despite the exuberant amount of time I put into it). I don’t suck, but I’m also never the best player on any team.
Even though I lacked talent, I still kept playing because basketball is so fun.
I mainly played pick-up games at my local gym but roughly five years ago, my friends asked me if I wanted to join a co-ed rec league team with them. I was hesitant at first, seeing how I was in my early 30s and scared of injuries, but eventually agreed because, well, basketball is so fun.
And good thing I did because that season was great. Our team came in second place (because we were carried by one of my friends) and I also played pretty well.
I was averaging quite a bit of assists, was scoring a couple of points per game, and did well on the defensive end.
I was pretty proud of my performance because we were playing against good teams and I was able to hold my own. This increased my confidence in my ability to play basketball.
So, I started a basketball blog.
The blog -which the idea of kept creeping into my mind month after month- was about how to get better at basketball. It was a culmination of tips, drills, and games I learned throughout my many years of playing basketball and through tips and tricks I learned online from pro players.
I was publishing weekly and wanted to put these ideas and skills to the test, but couldn’t because my friend kept forgetting to sign us up. This happened a couple of years in a row. And then we were hit with the pandemic.
But during those years, I kept writing and experimenting with drills and exercises. I was practicing at the park regularly and when the restrictions eased up, I started playing pick-up at the gym again.
For most of these sessions, I played well and my confidence in my abilities remained.
So, when my friends asked me to play in the rec league again earlier this year, I agreed. I figured it wasn’t going to be too competitive and felt I could do almost as well as my first season with them.
I didn’t.
My confidence somehow forgot that Father Time was a thing.
I was in my late 30s and hadn’t played competitive full-court basketball in years.
I played half-court every other week, but full-court is a completely different game.
There’s a lot more running, everywhere. You have to run up and down when the possession changes. Then, you have to run around to defend. Then you have to run around to cut and set screens on offence.
There was so much running.
And what made it even more tiring was we were playing against young bulls who were in their athletic prime. Every guy and girl was more skilled and athletic than me (and most of them were much taller too). I had to chase them around and get hit by them.
After three games, my confidence was shot. I sucked. And what made me feel worse was I felt like an imposter.
I was writing this blog that showed players how to get better at basketball, but I couldn’t do shit on the hardwood.
I scored every other game and turned the ball over like a baker flipping his pastries (what I’m trying to say is I did it often). And my defence was horrendous.
I played poorly and was in pain (physical and emotional) after every game.
But for whatever reason, I kept coming back each week and kept playing my hardest. I tried to play better by analyzing my faults and tried to correct them the following game.
I did this every week and near the end of the season, something miraculous happened: I broke through and started playing well.
My defence improved, I was seeing the floor better, I committed fewer turnovers, and I was scoring more efficiently.
I was more confident in my skills and as a result, felt better about myself and had more fun.
However, there were only three games left.
But in those final games, I was able to prove to myself that I was pretty good at basketball and knew what I was talking about in my blog posts. I wasn’t an imposter; I just needed time to figure the game out.